Translate Juicebox Thoughts

12/21/2014

Too Lazy 2 Browse Target's Toy Aisles IRL? We Did It 4 You! Only 3 Days Left...

People- Christmas is here. Wait. Lets try that one again.
Christmas is Here! No? I guess For those of you who have finished shopping, Christmas might already be over. But I know there's a lot of us who have not even begun to shop yet. For us folks, Christmas is still in the hazy distant future of not today and probably not tomorrow either. I am here to help out my fellow time managementally challenged brethren by letting you know that Christmas is only four days away. So start shopping now.
     Ross dress for less stores might be open Christmas eve, but your mother might not want a fossil watch and a 16 month SI swimsuit calendar... At least mine didn't. You can start shopping now without even going to a store. Just watch this video. This video shows every single toy that is on sale at Target. Yep. You can Eye before you Buy!
     Nope. Sorry. This video does not in fact show every single toy. I had to take that one down because of P.E.T.A online petitions. Man those things pack a punch! So just watch and be content you didnt just waste a shopping day.


12/17/2014

Actual Text of Statement Given 2 Trooper D. Gurule #3311 Colorado State patrol

Sleeping. A minute or two at a time. Mark. This guy hit somebody. Awake. Coat on. front door out. A silver hatchback is parked blocking our driveway. Drivers Door
 opens. a man with dark hair gets out. Italian maybe. Takes three steps. Sees me. And at once without any acknowledgement beyond eyes meeting he is back in the car. And it's all you can do to stare at the rectangle of pressed aluminum. it's white characters on green. 638 UAR 638 UAR. And then his car is gone again but not before you glimpse the passenger side front quarter panel. If what's left of it. Man he did a real smack. And then Still in Costco house shoes You  listen to the scrape of his tires drive away and walk the outer line of the front fence along the line of cars parked in front of your house and up the front door of your rather dory sort of spry 84 year old neighbor. As you reach her front door. You see it is open and  only the glass screen door is shut. Think about rapping but reach for the doorbell instead. And there she is. Hi you say. A guy hit one of your cars out front. Four cars parked out from two silver two redfish.   We'll find in she says. You apologize for the house shoes a dad don't ax you step inside you realizd how close to Christmas it really is. He'd entire house. Solved abs red. Four wine. Sitting around The dining tilm table. Someone's car has been Hit 84 says. The  murmurs at the table soon turn into realization. And questions. Which car?  I don't know. He left. I just came here straightaway with the license plate. You realize you've been saying it aloud this whole time. 638 UAR. And now you and 5 bible studiers walk back outside.   It's the first car. A white silver one. Joy for not much damage but Enough to pray over.